What do I prioritize with my divorce?

•Prioritize your mental health and well-being. This will help you be your best, and make the best decisions as you will be coming from a place of clarity. This will also enable you to be “the best you” to important people in your life who need you, such as your children.

•You need to prioritize your children, and your family’s well-being after the divorce. Think about what you want your family to look like 2, 5 and 10 years after the divorce in order to make the right decisions now while you are in the process of divorce. This means you need to prioritize keeping the conflict between you and your spouse as low as possible. This is a stressful and anxiety provoking journey. A priority is to find a team of professional who can support you and your spouse through as peaceful a divorce process as possible. You want to prioritize anything you can do to avoid litigation and high conflictYour (and any children’s) personal safety ALWAYS comes first. If there is any abuse are any drug/alcohol issues, then consider either getting a Domestic Violence Restraining Order or moving out to somewhere safe. 2. Having a parenting plan in plan is crucial, especially if you are (or are soon going to be) living apart. Children deserve continuity in their relations with their parents, so long as it is safe. 3. Your access to cash flow to meet the necessities of life comes next. File a Request for Orders for child and/or spousal support, if assistance from your spouse is needed and they are not willingly offering any. While you’re at it, open a separate checking account, if you don’t already have one. 4. Information comes next. Gather your financial records, make copies, be prepared to share them in the context of your case, as this is required by law. 5. Be prepared to negotiate a resolution. Even if you expect a fight and a trial, try your best to negotiate while you still can. A settled outcome is almost always best.

•As a therapist, my view is that the priority should always be self-care. This encompasses the individual physical, mental, and emotional needs that allow you to be the highest form of yourself through a debilitating and stressful process. Making sure that you are mindful of what you need to be able to navigate the arduousness of the process, will allow you to go through it with the clarity and compassion you need to take care of the other bystanders (i.e. kids) impacted by the divorce.

•Taking care of yourself. No matter what the tasks are that need to be completed during a divorce (e.g. explaining to your children what is happening, or splitting up the stuff) you are going to need energy and internal resources. That means making sure you are taking very good care of your mind, body, and spirit. This looks a bit different for everyone. Some will need to remember to eat nutritious food, some will need to remember to breathe, some may need to reconnect with a spiritual practice of some sort. You know what you need to be well, and if you’ve forgotten because you’re stressed (which can easily happen) ask your best friend for help. Divorce is stressful and difficult even if you know it is the right thing for you, so don’t be shy about asking for help. If the help you are receiving doesn’t seem to be enough or you are still struggling to cope, then seek the support of a mental health professional like a Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Social Worker, or Psychologist.

•First, you both must agree on the correct “process” in order to get through the divorce. Mediation is an example of a process choice. Spending the same dollar, you both learn all the knowledge and information needed in order to make decisions, keep control of the result, and save tens of thousands of dollars at the same time. PROCESS CHOICE is the first step.

•In the first meeting with a new client in my firm, we ask the client to list all of his or her goals for the case. Then it is the job of my firm to come up with a case plan and present this plan to the client as to how we would work to achieve his or her goals. In the San Diego family law court, the court will prioritize child custody issues over division of property issues. This timing, as set by state law and our local family law court, allows us to focus on child custody matters first and then have time to focus on property issues later. In conclusion, my answer is that you should prioritize finding what legal help you need. An attorney who is board certified in family law (Board of Legal Specialization State Bar of California) should be selected for a family law case. Meet with the attorney; discuss your goals and your options and feel good about the course of action that you’re taking.

•Business like settlement of all issues.

•I prioritize the case according to my client’s interests. Many clients are interested in support while others list custody or property orders as their highest priority.

•If you have children, you need to prioritize the children’s needs during your divorce. Ensuring as best you can the divorce does not affect them negatively. Also, it is important to understand a lot of emotional turmoil can occur during a divorce so it is important to prioritize your own feelings and make sure you have someone to talk to you about them.


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